email by machiavelli(tm)

Personalities: The e-Headliner™

In most companies, information pollution, fueled by e-mail, is reaching crisis proportions. The “Headliner” understand that to stand out in the crowd, and ensure that his or her e-mail is read, is skilled at writing e-mail headlines. They know from experience and careful analysis what gets read and what gets the response. To wit: MAN BITES DOG!

Personalities: The Early Adopter

Email continues to integrate new and better functionality, such as HTML, Flash, audio and video. The “Early Adopter” is the person in the office who’s always first to market to push the e-mail envelop. One morning you might check your e-mail and see a link to an audio message from this person. The next week, you are looking a streaming video of this person saying “Buenos Dias.” Chances are, this person used Napster when we all thought the term referred to a hair condition.

Personalities: The SheMale Emailer

You've decided to make that new friend, but there is still much you don't really know about him/her/it. If she is a doctor of juris prudence, why does she ask How R U? If she does all her shopping at Victoria's secret, why are her pictures always from the chin up? Beware! Some relationships were never meant to last.

Personalities: The Night Shifter

In accounting, there’s FIFO (First one in, first one out) and LIFO (Last one in first one out), but in the world of e-mail there’s the online equivalent of “last man standing.” This is the work fanatic who thrives of demonstrating their dedication and commitment t work. This person leverages the late-night equivalent of the “Time Stamp” as a signal that you are everywhere, everyplace, armed and ready to respond, even to a fellow night-shifter who thinks (erroneously) that he or she can drop an e-mail at 2:00 AM without a nary a response from the recipient group until mid-morning. Usually these folks are in some need of counseling.

Personalities: The Early Bird

The “Early Bird” sets the pace for the rest of the organization by taking first crack a either sending or responding to e-mail. You cat always detect the tell-tale signs of early bird in action when you arrive at work and notice a stream of six messages in a row from the same person….starting at 4:30 AM.

Personalities: The Blind Copy Wimp

This is the person who takes the term CYA (Cover Your Ass) to the extreme, and feels the uncontrollable urge to BCC their boss or colleagues on every piece of e-mail correspondence. Rarely will this person give the original recipient any clue that the e-mail is being shared with the boss or others.

Personalities: The Next Door Bunker

Here’s the guy (or gal) who sits right in the cube immediately in front of you, or behind you, and sends you a small arsenal of daily email, even for really stupid stuff like “wanna go to lunch.” This person lives in a silo and forgets what it mean to just knock on someone’s door to say “yo..let’s have lunch.” This person also goes overboard on “Instant Messenger.”

Personalities: The Next Door Bunker

Here’s the guy (or gal) who sits right in the cube immediately in front of you, or behind you, and sends you a small arsenal of daily email, even for really stupid stuff like “wanna go to lunch.” This person lives in a silo and forgets what it mean to just knock on someone’s door to say “yo..let’s have lunch.” This person also goes overboard on “Instant Messenger.”

Personalities: The Sloppy Epologist

The “Sloppy E-Pologist” often knows exactly what he or she want to convey, but is ready to retreat in a nano-second in the event the feedback backfires. They usually say things like “don’t hold me accountable for this, as I’m writing a mile a minute and just trying to get this off my chest.” The tell-tale signs include misspelled words, choppy sentences, run-on sentences, and – oh yes – prose in lower case letters.

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To: Mr. Big
From: The Sloppy Apologist
Subject: quik thought to for consideration

Just a quick stream of consciousness idea….suggest we not hire steve…just have a bad feeling….don’t feel like he gets it. If you don’t agree, don’t hold me accountable for this as just typiing a quickly asi can.

Personalities: The Crutch-Meister

Some folks can stand on their own two feet when sending an e-mail directive, recommendation, or plan of action. Others, less secure in their authority or standing, need to fortify their mail by copying a higher-up – this to increase the odds of compliance. Hence the “Crutch-Meister.” While this tactic can be quite effective, it does bring with it the risk of “wear-out.” In some cases, it can backfire, not only with your target audience (they may view you as a wimp) but also even with the boss you are copying (same problem).

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To: Mr. Manager Joe
From: The Crutch-Meister
CC: Mr. Big
Subject: My Reco Re: Adding Vanilla Coke to Vending Machine

Few decisions we’ll face this year are as critical as this one. I propose…